Saturday, September 29, 2007

Dear Ad Coms

I write this to clarify my application. While I understand that my application has several glaring weaknesses, please, allow me to address them.

I am sure that my GMAT score and GPA have caused you to wonder, is Wannabe intellectually capable of handling the mental work load at school? While I understand that scoring 800 with a GPA of 4.0 in Physics or Actuarial Scienve would warrant an auto-admittance into your school with scholarship, I think it would be safe to say that my statistics and background are nowhere as impressive as that.

I have to admit, while I could have studied Princeton and topped the class, I felt an urge to pursue a more creative undergraduate degree and enjoy myself. My time was spent engaged in shooting other people in Counterstrike or listening to happy hardcore while trying to decide whether sex really sells detergent. How many other applicants can boast of a kill/death ratio of 95 to 9, while using a handgun only? I also learnt that while sex may not sell, it sells to talk about how sex sells to cute college girls.

Sure, my work experience seems pretty spotty too. But trust me, while I may not have gone to Goldman Sachs or McKinsey straight out of university, I did get involved with some decent companies and activities. For starters, I did try to start the next Blizzard Entertainment, but failed badly when I failed to convince my co-founders the importance and future of Massively Multiplayer On-line Role Playing Games and we blew the start-up money on booze and hookers. Maybe how I developed the sales strategy for an on-line drug dealer reflects my strategic thinking or how I built the local pirated DVD/VCD business from home shows my leadership and entrepreneur potential.

You may also wonder about my community service. Which of, I assure you, I have plenty. I make it a point to try and date a different college girl every month from my community as I feel it is my duty to offer guidance to those that are younger. When people talk about giving back to society, rest assured, I am doing a lot of giving.

However, the question still remains, why should we offer Wannabe a place at our school? Well, for starters, I really need the job opportunity that your school offers. I understand that every other student may also want to opportunity, but really, nobody wants it as badly as I do. I am eager to graduate and get my money grubbing hands into the Private Equity business (although it seems to have tanked) or maybe even Investment Banking, as I am quite sure that I will be able to clear USD180,000 for the first year (including bonuses). I am sick and tired of earning low wages (in my third world country) when I see my peers earning that kind of coin abroad. I will be the most motivated of students at your school as strive to achieve my dreams.

After making my millions, I will proceed to donate an obscene sum of money back to the school to have the new cafeteria built with my name. Heck, I will even set up a non-profit trust fund to subsidize the food that your future students will have to eat!

Also, I bring diversity to the school. Your school will be able to boast of a +1 nationality to your student body. I am quite sure that there are hardly any other applicants from my country, so do not waste time, allow me to increase your student body nationality count by one.

And there we have it, mitigation of my weaknesses and why you should accept me. So please, send me that admit email as soon as possible as I expect to be deluged by offers over the next few weeks. Of course, without doubt, your school is my first choice and I would be ecstatic to attend the Class of 2010.

So, do take care, and I hope to hear from you.

Regards,

Wannabe

4 comments:

-tvu said...

Now that's an essay you can be proud of!

Anonymous said...

Hahaha! wow thats one essay i'd love to write

Anonymous said...

super, that made me laugh!!!

Jaguar Paw said...

Great post! LOL

And sorry abt the columbia ding!